Fathers

Today is Father’s Day and I would like to share some of my feelings on being a father and about my father. When I first became a father 38 years ago, I had no idea of the joy and sorrow that I would experience as I learned how to be a good father to my children. I have found joy in every new step, every new experience and every new success that my children experienced. I sorrowed with them and for them as they made mistakes, broke bones, failed a test, skinned their knees and wandered from the gospel path.

Now that I have experienced the blessing of being a father, I wish that I had been a better son and not caused so much grief for my father. I don’t think that I was willfully rebellious or disobedient but like most children I did not appreciate what my parents were going through and I did not always show them the respect that they deserved. Like all parents they were trying to learn how to do the best that they could. They had that same manual for raising children, that I had – the example of their parents. Elder M. Russell Ballard spoke of the special relationship between a father and his son:

“You see, we’re all on a journey. Dads are a little further down the road, but none of us has yet arrived at our final destination. We are all in the process of becoming who we will one day be. Fathers and sons can play a critical role in helping each other become the best that they can be.

“I know that father-son relationships are never perfect, but everything I am going to suggest to you tonight is possible if you will put in the effort to make it happen.

“Young men, you are your father’s pride and joy. In you they see a promising future and their hope for a better, improved version of themselves. Your accomplishments are a joy to them. Your worries and problems are their worries and problems.

“Fathers, you are the primary model of manhood for your sons. You are their most meaningful mentor, and believe it or not, you are their hero in countless ways. Your words and your example are a great influence on them. (“Fathers and Sons: A Remarkable Relationship”, M. Russell Ballard, General Conference, October 2009)

My father has been gone for almost twelve years. He tried the best that he knew how to raise his sons. All of us have grown up to be fathers to our own children and now our sons are fathers and the cycle of life continues. What a wonderful experience it is to see your sons grow up to be wonderful, loving fathers. All of this happens in spite of the inadequacies and mistakes we made along the way.

The best place we can look for good examples of fathers is in the scriptures. In the very first verse of the Book of Mormon, Nephi tells us that he was born of goodly parents and that they taught him many things including the goodness and mysteries of God. Nephi and his brothers were taught to keep the commandments and to enquire of the Lord when they needed answers to their prayers. Some of Lehi’s children followed those teachings and some did not.

Another example of a father’s love for his children is found in Mosiah 27. Alma the Younger and the Son’s of Mosiah are among those who are not keeping the commandments and they caused many members to fall away. Because of the prayers of the Prophet Alma an angle appeared to Alma the Younger and the Son’s of Mosiah and called them to repentance. Alma continually prayed for his wayward son and never gave up on him and his friends. We should never stop praying for our children, especially those who have wandered from the gospel.

The best example we have of a father and son relationship is that of our Father in Heaven and His Only Begotten Son, Jesus Christ. When Jesus was baptized and came up out of the water The Father said: “This is my beloved Son, in whom I am well pleased” (Matthew 3:17). Also after Christ was resurrected and appeared to the people here in America, The Father announced him by saying: “Behold my Beloved Son, in whom I am well pleased, in whom I have glorified my name—hear ye him”. (3 Nephi 11:7)

Moses was taught about the plan of salvation and how Christ was chosen to be the Savior of mankind and how Satan rebelled and tried to take the glory away from The Father.

1 And I, the Lord God, spake unto Moses, saying: That Satan, whom thou hast commanded in the name of mine Only Begotten, is the same which was from the beginning, and he came before me, saying—Behold, here am I, send me, I will be thy son, and I will redeem all mankind, that one soul shall not be lost, and surely I will do it; wherefore give me thine honor.

 2 But, behold, my Beloved Son, which was my Beloved and Chosen from the beginning, said unto me—Father, thy will be done, and the glory be thine forever.

 3 Wherefore, because that Satan rebelled against me, and sought to destroy the agency of man, which I, the Lord God, had given him, and also, that I should give unto him mine own power; by the power of mine Only Begotten, I caused that he should be cast down;

 4 And he became Satan, yea, even the devil, the father of all lies, to deceive and to blind men, and to lead them captive at his will, even as many as would not hearken unto my voice.

Christ’s whole purpose was to do the Father’s will and not take any glory to himself. Lucifer on the other hand rebelled against The Father and also wanted all the glory for himself. What are our motives, do we bring honor to our fathers or are we trying to bring ourselves the glory of the world. While teaching the people in Jerusalem Christ taught about how he always does The Father’s will:

19 Then answered Jesus and said unto them, Verily, verily, I say unto you, The Son can do nothing of himself, but what he seeth the Father do: for what things soever he doeth, these also doeth the Son likewise.

 20 For the Father loveth the Son, and sheweth him all things that himself doeth: and he will shew him greater works than these, that ye may marvel.

 23 That all men should honour the Son, even as they honour the Father. He that honoureth not the Son honoureth not the Father which hath sent him.

 30 I can of mine own self do nothing: as I hear, I judge: and my judgment is just; because I seek not mine own will, but the will of the Father which hath sent me. (Matthew 5)

What a great example for us to follow and to teach our sons to do the same. If we want our sons to do our will, we need to have our lives in harmony with the gospel principles. In They Family: A Proclamation to the World it says: “By divine design, fathers are to preside over their families in love and righteousness and are responsible to provide the necessities of life and protection for their families.”

I am grateful for my earthly father as well as my Heavenly Father. I am grateful to be a father and as I strive to do my father’s will I hope my sons will do the same. I am grateful that my sons have grown up and are now great fathers even though I made many mistakes. I invite you to click on the video clip below to watch a father’s day message from the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints call Earthly Father, Heavenly Father.

I welcome your comments and questions and invite you to share this message with your friends.

The Work of Fathers

Today is Father’s Day in the U.S. and I would like to share some of my thoughts on being a father and now a grandfather. I have been a father for 41 years and a grandfather for 15 years. A lot has changed since I became a father in the mid 70’s. Those where the days of the Walkman, 8-track tapes, and VCRs. To play video games you had to go to the Arcade where they had Pong, Pac Man, and Space Invaders. There was no Internet, cell phones, or personal computers. Apple was only a fruit and long distance calls cost a lot of money. My children had it good compared to what we had as children. We had to listen to music on records, to see a movie we had to go to a movie theater, we had one of the first TVs and it was only black and white, and even though the microwave oven was invented in 1946 we never had one. Each generation wants their children to have a better life than they had when they were growing up. 

Our children invented most of their games, playing outside in the field and trees behind our yard. We played board games like Risk, Monopoly, Shoots and Ladders, and Life. They used their imaginations to invent places and people they would be. Today my grandchildren play many of the same games but they are now played on their tablets, phones, or computers.

Times have changed for our children and grandchildren, but fathers are still mainly concerned about the same things; providing for their family, keeping their children safe, and helping their children develop emotionally and spiritually. Many fathers spend most of their time away from their children working to provide all the things that they need. They wish they could be there more for the sports, dance recitals, camping trips, or simply just sitting and talking about the things that matter most to children. For young families, income is another thing that often is in short supply because their careers are just beginning and the wages are lower. I often wished we could figure out how to pay families a higher income during the time that children were home and there are more financial demands and less as the children leave home and there are less income needs.

In “The Family:A Proclamation to the World” we are taught that families are the most important unit in time and eternity. We are taught the role that fathers and mothers share in raising their children.

“THE FAMILY is ordained of God. Marriage between man and woman is essential to His eternal plan. Children are entitled to birth within the bonds of matrimony, and to be reared by a father and a mother who honor marital vows with complete fidelity. Happiness in family life is most likely to be achieved when founded upon the teachings of the Lord Jesus Christ. Successful marriages and families are established and maintained on principles of faith, prayer, repentance, forgiveness, respect, love, compassion, work, and wholesome recreational activities. By divine design, fathers are to preside over their families in love and righteousness and are responsible to provide the necessities of life and protection for their families. Mothers are primarily responsible for the nurture of their children. In these sacred responsibilities, fathers and mothers are obligated to help one another as equal partners. Disability, death, or other circumstances may necessitate individual adaptation. Extended families should lend support when needed.”

One of the joys of being a grandfather is that I can help my children with the struggles they are going through with their children. While not all grandparents are retired, we generally have more free time and hopefully a little more flexible income. I can’t wait until I retire (just one more year) because I will be able to spend more time with my grandchildren doing many of the things that I did not do because I was too busy working. I enjoy being able to spend the time throwing the football with my 12-year-old grandson and playing hide and seek with my four-year-old grandson when I come home. I can’t wait until I can spend as much time with them as they want once I am retired. We love to go camping and watching them participate in youth sports.

This is what fathers and grandfathers do. They protect, provide, teach, and help our children grow up to become parents of their own children. We all wish we had more time to spend with our children. We want the best for them. We hurt when they make the wrong choices and suffer the consequences of their choices. We suffer with them when they come home crying because someone was mean to them at school, got picked last, don’t make the team, or missed the last shot to win the game. While we feel empathy for them in these situations, we know that these experiences will help build character and as they suffer they become stronger.

The Lord speaking to Moses said: “this is my work and glory – to bring to pass the immortality and eternal life of man” (Moses 1:39). If this is our Heavenly Father’s work, shouldn’t this be every father’s work. - to bring our children back into the presence of Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ.? We are all children of our Heavenly Father and he has sent them here to live with us so that we might teach them of their royal heritage; that their destiny is to qualify to live eternally with God and Christ. We need to prepare for them to receive the saving ordinances of baptism and the temple where we are become families that last throughout all eternity.

This should be the most important work we do. We can provide a comfortable home that is safe, we can teach them the importance of hard work, and to be good citizens; but if we fail to teach our children faith in Jesus Christ, repentance and baptism then we will fail in our primary responsibility as fathers.

Our work as fathers is never done. Even when our children are grown and leave home we still be involved in their lives encouraging them to continue to live righteously and teach their children to follow their examples. We are also there to help as much as we can and be there for our grandchildren. If Heavenly Father’s work is not done until all his children are brought back to his presence, then our work as fathers is not done until our children, grandchildren and all the generations to come have made it back to their eternal home with us.

Your comments and questions are welcome.